De-ri-ku [noun]: Japanese pronounciation of an English name belonging to a Chinese guy in Malaysia. Electronics engineer currently based in PJ. Chinese-educated and proud of it.
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Monday, December 12, 2005"Special Account" satire
Some of us may have heard the 'special account' story (I'm sure most PELTACers still remember that). Here's a possible scenario of an agent sharing his 'special account' story to a prospect.
Mrs. Beng is watching TV at home when her doorbell rings.
Agent X: Halo Mrs. Beng, how are you?
Mrs. Beng: Who are yoo ah?
Agent X: Oh, my name is Chan, I was introduced to you by your good friend, Ms. Lian.
Mrs. Beng: Oh Ah Lian ah...what yoo wan?
Agent X: Wah your house looks very nice, can I have a seat insi...
Mrs. Beng: See what see, I korek your eyes ah! But see yoo so leng chai, ok lah, come in sit.
Agent X: Mrs. Beng, so have you heard of our special account before?
Mrs. Beng: Spesial akaun? What is that ah?
Agent X: Our special account guarantees that no matter what happens to you, you'll be guaranteed of an amount of money. For example, if you become sick and get hospitalized...
Mrs. Beng: Choi choi choi! What hospitalized? Yoo cursing me ah!??
Agent X: That's not what I mean, just let's say you get sick and need money for medical costs, that special account will be ready to fulfil your financial needs...
Mrs. Beng: Sure or not...got so good one ah?
Agent X: Yes of course! Some more, when you die...
Mrs. Beng: CHOI! Die what die...yoo wan die yoo die yourself lah!
Agent X: I'm just making an assumption here Mrs. Beng. When you pass away, a sum of money will be given to your husband, Mr. Beng.
Mrs. Beng: Wah! I die he get money ah?? Doe-wan!! That guy ah, very SUEH one, always with his Chinadoll girlfren!
Agent X: Um....OK, you can leave the money to your children also, you'll be giving them hope for the future.
Mrs. Beng: Like that ah...actually I have two daughters, when they marry ah, all their things will belong to their lou-kong oledi, so what for I leave money for them? Haiya...
Agent X: Perhaps you would like to give the money to charity?
Mrs. Beng: Chality, what chality? You give me chality lah, see I'm so poor now. Eh, talk for so long, actually ah, what yoo company doing ah? Direct sales ah? I tell yoo ah, if yoo from XXN company ah, I oledi tried out, but cannot work lah!
Agent X: No no no Mrs. Beng, actually we're even better than direct sales...
Mrs. Beng: What, unit trust ah? I only buy share, never buy unit trust one, soli lah...
Agent X: No, actually, I'm from Great Western Insurance Company. We're one of the largest insurance companies in the world with a client base of over 1 billion people. We even gave a talk recently in a camp called CATLEP...
Mrs. Beng: Ohhh...insulans har...
Agent X: Yes that's right. So I wonder if...
Mrs. Beng: Leng chai, I tell yoo, do yoo know that 25% of the Malaysia population are oledi insured? I happen to be one of the 25% leh, yoo know or not. Yoo think I so ulu ah, never buy insulan.
Agent X: But Mrs. Beng, we do have many types of insurance policies to suit your different needs...
Mrs. Beng: For your information, leng chai, I oledi got 6 policies myself, like the JAPANESE! I'm covered from heard to toe, so doneed to woli. I even got one policy on my hair leh, see or not? So, what else yoo offer?
Agent X: Er...would you like to be an agent of the Great Wes...
Mrs. Beng: Agent?? FBI Agent I wan lar...what insulan agent, DOE-WAN! My Ah Beng, although very sueh, he provide me wit everything oledi. So, nothing else ah? Get out get out! I need to go wash hair now...
Agent X: ...
THE MORAL OF THE STORY: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS SELL
THINGSINSURANCE TO PEOPLE LIKE MRS. BENG....MUAHAHAHA.
There it is folks, a screen shot of my wild imagination and a product of my cynism...hahah. (No offence to all insurance agents, I myself have 2 policies, both from the same company - the largest in Malaysia!)