Monday, March 12, 2007

Ad for engineers

Well well it's the time of the year again when graduate engineers fresh out of universities/colleges throng the streets of employment hoping to find their dream job. Again Company X will be looking for suitable candidates to fulfil the empty positions available.

Now, let's take a look at the job positions up for offer...

Assembly Engineer

Successful candidates will be responsible for day-to-day assembly operations, which include, but are not limited to: assembly at the cafeteria, assembly at the company gym, assembly at the auditorium pretending to be listening to the talks. Laziness will be an added advantage. Engineers who have more than 20 years experience (about to retire) are encouraged to apply.

Probe Engineer

Main job function is to perform probing into matters that may interest other company employees. Candidates must possess good interpersonal skills and excellent logic deduction so as to be able to confirm any gossip around the work area. Preferably multi-lingual with a good sense of hearing. Women candidates only.

Test Engineer

Successful candidates will, upon confirmation, have the responsibility of testing the limits of their colleagues before they snap. Candidates are expected to be skillful in annoying, disturbing and bugging the hell out of people. No experience needed. Those who are currently in the sales line will be given preference.

R&D Engineer

Candidates must be able to display creativity and continuous innovation in design work. Engineering experience is not required. On job training will be provided. Excellent benefits. (There is no R&D department per se, this is just a mask to hire cafeteria chefs. And yes they get to eat the leftovers.)

Failure Analysis Engineer

Job scope is to analyze one's own failures and concoct reasonable albeit fictitious excuses to be presented to upper management. Candidates must have a thick face and able to take up the challenge of being eaten alive by managers. Fresh graduates with a CPGA of below 2.0 are encouraged to apply.

So, anyone looking for a job? Feel free to pass your resume to me.

Note: Only candidates with the above requirements will be considered.

thought completed at 9:39 PM | 6 comments

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